Enjoy life...and every 'airplane' moment

I am really starting to enjoy my morning runs...so much so that I miss it when I do not wake up to run! I did a very pequliar thing this morning. Around my campus they are doing some minor--MAJOR-- road renovations. There is this tiny section, a little handicap ramp that has some pretty tight turns on it. I usually run on the downhill direction of this ramp. Tell me why, with construction workers all around--there was three-- I decided to 'pretend' that I was a race car going down the hill and taking tight turns. I literally had the BIGGEST GRIN on my face! I am a rather composed person so as soon as I gathered myself, I ran like Ryan Hall to make up for my moment of Indie 500 indescretion. It was slightly embarrassing yet I do not think that these men were observing me run but if they did, I am sure the large grin on my face and the hectic turning gave me away. I sort of had the urge to put out my hands and pretend that I was an airplane...but I figured thats a bit much. Granted, I will do this again tomorrow and if no one is around...I am putting my hands out.

Harnessed

Sometimes I feel trapped. Harnessed by my desires and deprived by my inability to have those desires met. Life is what you make of it yet it is guided and surpressed by multiple restrictions in life. Since I am a poor deprived college student (sob story) I figure my best chances at succeeding are to proceed without fear. No holds barred wanderlust. Coupled with motivation, these imaginary sometimes literal bars around me will have to support themeselves for the hurricane of drive I have.

I love running in the earliest bits of morning. Nothing is more exhilerating. This is the moment when I feel totally free. Like a lark ascending to the rim of the sphere. Here the sun's first light is drawn crisp in the orange red vault of the sky. That moment where you alone are ushered into heaven. Possibly it is the exhaustion from running that makes me want to wax philosophical. Either way, that early morning air clears the fog from my mind. Running makes me feel invincible. Then I reach my limit. I generally peak around the second mile. My body will not give me what I want which is to run tirelessly away. Every step feels like a great distance between myself and all that I am bound too. It is freedom found by the Reebok version of Harriet Tubman. Even though my pace will ultimatley wane, I am still propelled to run because in those 2 miles I have found an escape.

I propose this to myself: I will not focus on the setbacks in my life. I will just pick up my feet and continue forward. When I find myself facing a fork in the road, I will use wisdom and make a decision. There are no small choices in life so I must decide carefully (prayerfully). Once a decision has been made I will head in that direction and I will strive to never doubt myself. Doubt will lead to fear and fear will lead to compromise. Failure is fine, not desired, but I can survive failure. Rather, compromise must be avoided. Failure is a possibility even when you try your hardest. To compromise means that you have given up on yourself. And I will never give up on myself. Therefore compromise is not in my vocabulary. Failure may happen but it will happen gritting its snarled teeth.

Marked for Devotion

Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon my arm. For love is as strong as death and jealousy as cruel as the grave. Song of Songs 8:6

There is an ancient Irish hymn called Be thou my vision translated by Mary Byrne. Within the lyrics of the hymn, there lies a beautiful line of trust.

“Beloved Father, hear my lamentations.

Timely is the cry of woe of this miserable wretch.

O Heart of my heart, whatever befall me,

O ruler of all, be thou my vision.”

I believe that the person who penned this hymn thought of Psalm 73:25. Who else do we have on our side but God and what value is this life if not to come to the end of it knowing Christ was our only desire. All material things are dust and all other hope is vain when we come to the end of our lives and find ourselves alone.

Apostle Paul wrote that “I consider everything a loss when compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” (Philippians 3:8) Our focus on God must be a single hearted devotion unswayed by inheritance, man or situation. God is the only way to find security. It is within His borders that I have found my rest and it is within His presence that I have found the treasure of my heart.

Mark of Devotion

Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon my arm. For love is as strng as death and jealousy as cruel as the grave. Song of Songs 8:6This was the shulamites response to her husband. A desire to be His without any outside intrusion, without distraction. That she would be sealed upon him and that He would be sealed upon her.

Often I think about just tattooing the mess out of my body. I see myself and my weaknesses and I wretch inside with my remorse. I think that if I were to ink His Word all over my body my problems would be rectified and I would remember God's statutes. I just want my flesh to obey. I want no half standards and no half promises within me because half standards and half promises do not lead to devotion but to half commitments and to whole compromises. No amount of scriptures inked upon my skin could ever change my mindset. Yet if I were to tattoo His LIVING Word on my heart, He has promised to change me from the inside out. Instead of having the change become soley an outside manifestation it would become a fire engulfing me from the depths of my spirit molding and transforming me into a blaze which can never be extinguished by any force, power or principality.

The reason I thought of this verse is that often our desires never match the shulamite bride's mark of devotion. We find oursleves making whole compromises and half commitments. We either become discouraged by our impedence or we become distracted by this worlds vanities. In essence we loose our passion for God, for Christ and for His Spirit. In Revelation 2:4, John has a revelation of Christ in which Christ declares to the church that "Never the less, I have this against you. That you have turned away from your first love." We have become swept away by our distractions, no longer seeing God as our true Beloved.

Our worship becomes warped, our devotion is forgotton and our feeble declarations of past love soon fade away.The church has become a whore so opposite in actions that she has paid her clients and receives no compensation for her wicked pleasures {Ezekiel 16:31-34}. We choose to serve death and not life! Where has our devotion gone? Where does our devotion rest if not with the Lover of our souls?

Although we may stumble and fall, failing in the majority of our attempts,God is by our side. He encourages us to not give up on ourselves because He will not. We win if we get up. We win for entering the battle when so few do. We could give up; throw in the towel and say its to hard to be holy. But we will not! We are called to be ambassadors, conquerors, revivalists, the Holy remnant and ministers of the most Holy God! In 2 Chronicles 7:14, God said that if we were to humble our hearts and turn towards Him once more, away from our idolatries, He would redeem us and heal our land. Are we satisfied with our prostituition and our march towards death? Or do you want the spirit of adoption to cover and restore you?

God will sanctify you if you return your devotion to Him. He will return your crown and put the bridal adornments on your body once more. The mercy of Christ is greater than all your sin. The plans of God are bigger than any plans of the enemy. Choose today where your allegiance stands. Choose today to stand before the throne as the righteousness of God!

Divided

We have waited far to long...as creation groans so does this deep sigh weigh greatly on our hearts. Great lengths seperate us from eternity; a massive chasm which has been so inconceivably longed after. Such wanderlust for God. To see the distance and hunger to sojourn towards Him. But we are skeletons with no muscle much to weak to lift our eyes. Dare I say, I think He should cross the divide. Dare I say He has. My weak heart needs a lullaby to soothe the scald. My mind needs a peace that speaks louder than the doubt. My body is to feeble and my confidence shatters at every painful encounter. My God, My God am I forsaken? Or is my trust enough? I sit amoungst desolation with the hope that you will raise me up.

Que Sera Sera

The Lark:

Deeper still the dark draws closer.

The light that was now dims and shimmers to a fade.

With this my hope, my love,

dies with the days adieu.

The moon glares then prods my wound.

But lo, the sun shines bright

and the moon is but an allusion of false romantic hope.

The final throb of daylight.

Eternal golden star

why have you deserted your post?

Have I grown to old?

Have my childhood dreams bored you?

Or simply has our love become cold?

But I have loved you my ethereal envy!

Though you promise tomorrow,

you have left me lonesome!

Come back my honeyed wine!

Your warmth is gone,

your hands no longer caress,

your breath no longer lulls my neck,

your promise broke at dusk.

Your depth scared me

unnerved me at a glance.

See how I quaked?

See how I quivered?

Did you not see

the power you held over me?

But oh, how I have loved you!

Shall I ever hope for your return?

Que sera sera

whatever will be, will be

how can it be?

Yes, dear shining star!

Affectionate cosmic shade!

My love and attention is yours

do not forget,

never disdain!

I looked for you tonight,

peering towards the sky.

I hoped for you.

For when I find you,

I will find myself within you.

My weak heart,

lost in her longing

wished upon your twilight ballet.

I dreamt of you

and in our memory I rest in you.

The Sun:

Sleep silently dear Lark.

Do not yet fill the air with your beckon call!

For morning is coming

to awaken the dawn!

To give passion to your heart

a lightness to your wing

I will come.

You are my hope!

My weakness and craving!

Hold still, stay quiet.

My shameless ambition is to taste your sugared mouth!

Take and deal with me as you desire,

for my love is solely yours!

I bend for you!

Eternally I come for you!

My pulse quickens

you flutter away with my heart!

Darling Lark!

You flirt with your eyes.

You dance with your words.

You peirce my soul

and steal away my love!

For I am yours in the morning twilight,

I am yours in the ebb of day,

I am yours in the milk of the stars.

But in the moonlight I can not help but fade.

Alight in the morning,

ascend to me.

Rise up my darling

and sing to me your sweetest melody!

Arise!

Let me embrace your affections!

Arise!

Let us whisper our love to the horizon!

Arise!

Ascend to the sky!

The Lark:

You came softly in the crystal morning

your passion stirred me,

awakened my soul within her deep corridors.

How I have loved you!

Needed you,

Craved you,

Wanted you!

But you will leave

and I will wait the night.

With cruelty the moon will haunt me,

quick to mock my lonely heart!

My ache for you grew strong!

I cried out your name without reply.

I could not suppress myself,

I could no longer repress myself.

I have been decieved

my heart had been tricked.

Like a moth to the flame,

I thought I heard your voice.

My heart bound,

I took to the sky.

The snare captured me,

surrounded me.

And as the morning comes,

I remember you.

With clipped wings I sing.

Restrained by cage

yet my heart will not still.

This love can never die.

We,

we who were,

we can no longer be.

I am cloaked with a dark veil

and you ride the vault of heaven.

Que sera sera.

Momentary Lapse of Fates

Like a child who stumbled to the ground

Do I stick out my chin pretend I am fine and grin?

To scared to stay
To scared to run
Broken vessels
Empty promises

Did I love you
Or do I love the memory of you?

Alice, Alice hold out your hands.
Drink this potion and find a man.
Swirling, twirling into this hole.
Quickly, quickly you have to be bold.

The time is short
You're rather old.

To gamble with a card of hearts
You pushed
Momentary lapse of fates
I fell