Harnessed

Sometimes I feel trapped. Harnessed by my desires and deprived by my inability to have those desires met. Life is what you make of it yet it is guided and surpressed by multiple restrictions in life. Since I am a poor deprived college student (sob story) I figure my best chances at succeeding are to proceed without fear. No holds barred wanderlust. Coupled with motivation, these imaginary sometimes literal bars around me will have to support themeselves for the hurricane of drive I have.

I love running in the earliest bits of morning. Nothing is more exhilerating. This is the moment when I feel totally free. Like a lark ascending to the rim of the sphere. Here the sun's first light is drawn crisp in the orange red vault of the sky. That moment where you alone are ushered into heaven. Possibly it is the exhaustion from running that makes me want to wax philosophical. Either way, that early morning air clears the fog from my mind. Running makes me feel invincible. Then I reach my limit. I generally peak around the second mile. My body will not give me what I want which is to run tirelessly away. Every step feels like a great distance between myself and all that I am bound too. It is freedom found by the Reebok version of Harriet Tubman. Even though my pace will ultimatley wane, I am still propelled to run because in those 2 miles I have found an escape.

I propose this to myself: I will not focus on the setbacks in my life. I will just pick up my feet and continue forward. When I find myself facing a fork in the road, I will use wisdom and make a decision. There are no small choices in life so I must decide carefully (prayerfully). Once a decision has been made I will head in that direction and I will strive to never doubt myself. Doubt will lead to fear and fear will lead to compromise. Failure is fine, not desired, but I can survive failure. Rather, compromise must be avoided. Failure is a possibility even when you try your hardest. To compromise means that you have given up on yourself. And I will never give up on myself. Therefore compromise is not in my vocabulary. Failure may happen but it will happen gritting its snarled teeth.